Marketing for TFC - The Correct Explanation

Courtesy of Dr Randall...

"Dr Randall from the University of A.M.P (Ang Moh Pai) enters the lecture hall"

Ladies & Gentlemen, a very good morning to all.
I see many of you are trying to decipher what that uncouth muscle-bound chap is babbling about.

Today I've brought with me the latest in linguistic technology, a revolutionary break-through in Hokkien-to-English translation. I call it the "HOKENG 300"
This compact yet stylish device fits into your pocket and is extremely mobile. Currently it's still at it's testing stage but we have obtained highly encouraging results.

I shall do a demonstration later to show it's true potential.

First of all I would like to commend on our student, Evelyn, for her note-worthy effort on the translation, let's give her a round of applause "clap clap".
I give her a score of 8/10. And for that I am offering her a place in my research team on the development of HOKENG 300.

Now without fuirther ado, let's start the demonstration.

"Dr Randall flips out a PDA-like device and pressed the start button"

Now do observe that it is translating in real-time.
Wah #$% eh !!! Siang si hor bei lak chup gao ?
>>"Censored" Who is #69 ?
Lei bai jiu liao liao la ... mana wu tua gao bai yit ? lim bei ai cho kang eh leh
>>It ends on sunday, how would it drag to Monday? I still have work on Monday, mind you.

An jua bo lang lip lai chiam kah eh ? Lee lang kiah kee chiong sua si bor ?
>>Why nobody came in to sign up? Could it be everyone's afraid of bashing through the wilderness ?
Mai kiah la ... si bei hor sng eh ... machiam kee ohchurd loot teet tor ani kuan ... tapi si ka juey chiu zhang kah chow kah bang kah kar zua nia ... bo simi eh ...
>>Do not fear, it's great fun, like a stroll down Orchard Road, except there's more trees, more grass, more mosquitos, more insects, nothing to it.

Eh sai oh ming kiah, eh sai duan lian, eh sai di wah kow koon, eh sai kah peng you sng, eh sai kee lia gao ... wah si gong jin eh gao hor ... haha ... bo lah ... gong chio nia
>>You can learn new things, exercise, sleep in the open, have fun with your friends, catch "monkeys" (Lia - catch, Gao - Monkey, Lia Gao - defined as catching couples making out) ... "laughs" ... I'm talking about the real monkeys ... no way ... I'm just joking.

Lee lang kaki kua, ani juey hor ming kiah tan lee lang, an jua mai lai tio bor ?
>>See for yourself, there's a whole lot of good stuff waiting for you, shouldn't you come"
Lai la ... hor lee lang sng ji pai ... bao lee jit eh lei bai song song gao julong
>>Come on, just play it once, it's a guarantee that you will have a good time (Song Song Gao Julong - common hokkien idiom, exact translation is feel good until you reach Jurong, means having a prolonged good time)

HOR SEY BO ???
>>So what do you say ?
KIM MEH !!! WAH LANG DI CHUP PUEY LAO JIA PENG !!!
>>TONIGHT ! WE DINE IN HELL ! (Chup Puey Lao - The 18th Storey, Chinese folklore depicts Hell as 18 levels whereby sinners are punished in which those who are the most sinned enters the 18th Storey and suffers the most) (Jia Peng - to eat, to dine)

I hope you have enjoyed the demonstration and impressed by the massive processing powers of this magnificent device, truly a blessing to Mankind.

Lastly, I would like to thank you for your time and I hope to see more of you attending my lecture this weekend.

"The audience stands in ovation as Dr Randall waves and leaves the lecture hall"